Sunday, October 22, 2006
Clear Up
P.S: I'm leaving this post at the top for some time. If you guys wanna read new updates, please scroll down.
There are things I would really like to clarify with those who know about the relationship going on between me and charmaine. And this is not meant for my friends in poly. So please pardon this.
As far as I know, Ive started liking charmaine even when shes with you-all-know who. I have never expressed my feelings towards her throughout the days Ive spent with her and the times we chatted on msn. And I do know that she is having problems with him when I started to like her. It wasnt an unintentional like, but it just came naturally like all love does. You guys don’t mechanically get this kind of feeling, its just something natural.
I know you guys might be are thinking that Im the 3rd party, doing all the breaking up of couples and such. I can tell you guys that I didnt. Even though at that time of moment, I liked charmaine, but I wont do such a thing as to break them up. Im not that kind of despicable person you all think of. Or maybe, what I said myself won’t prove anything. But throughout the times, Im just showing concern as a friend towards her and the times when she needed someone to talk to. I was helping her to find what her relationship really lacks and why is it not going so smoothly. I wasnt even trying to break it up. More over, what I find that is wrong in the relationship; its obvious enough to the both of them.
Yes, the problem between them is communication. You guys should have known about it, if you guys observed enough. And I was trying my best to help her save this relationship, please dont think that Im trying to be fake being a nice guy or something. Its just that I dont want to see her getting hurt and having troubles sleeping during the night. As a friend, seeing her suffer like this does hurt me, and I was to be true to my feelings, it would hurt even more than just that.
Its only on Wednesday that I came to know that both of them broke up. I knew she was feeling upset and as well as exhausted. But she didnt sleep that early that night and I was talking to her about it. On Thursday night, yes, she lied to him that she was alone even though she was me. I could understand the reason why she did that. More over, I suggested about going to the beach and it was just nice that she wanna go too, and we both arranged to meet. I know she needed someone to talk to at that point of time. Also at the same time, I was having my own problems with my ex and I just wanted some wind and fresh air to keep myself away from the problems I faced. And I did ask her about how her relationship was going on and tried my best to help her in any way I can. I’m not sure if I have helped her, but solely, the decision she made was based on her own judgment and thinking.
And yes, that weekend was our combined class chalet. We met up earlier just to have lunch and such. And yes, that week was the week that we met up often, like almost everyday. It was only on Sunday I made clear of my feelings towards her. Although it was merely a few days she broke up with him but I still wanted to make my feelings clear since she was single. I’m not taking any opportunities to get together with her but just wanted to make clear of how I feel towards her, thats all.
And when we got together, I know the consequences to come if you guys were to know about it. And yes, its here and its happening right now as Im typing. She told me about today when we met up and I was concerned about how things are going. I know not all those who are in her cosplay group know this matter. But as far as Im concern, I think only those who are really involved should be concern about it. As for those who are not involved in this matter, please do not make things worse. I know you all are concerned about him but this matter is something personal between 3 people, mainly is me, him and her.
I really dont wish those who are not involved, to “interfere” this matter. You all should just stay at one side. When this matter clears up, you all can voice in whatever you all wanna say. You all can give advices to him at this point of time, but please do not make things worse by just scolding/flaming her. It isnt entirely her fault that things have come to this. I have a part in this and I wont hide and let her handle all this by herself. If you guys were to confront, you would be facing 2 people, not 1. And if the confrontation meant nothing more than just scolding, please dont waste your time. You guys should be able to think whats to do and whats not to do.
And charmaine didnt break up with him because of me. It was because the relationship was lacking in communication and also, it was a hard relationship to maintain with the responsibilities he have in school and was unable to commit much to this relationship. She did hurt him but does this kind of thing is evitable in a relationship? No it isn’t. More over, she knows that he still likes her a lot and didn’t want to hurt him even more with the news of us getting together. However, its inevitable that he is hurt yet again. You all can keep blaming charmaine for the hurt she caused to him. But have you ever thought that she, herself isnt feeling good at all?
You all are just concern to one side, which I would like to say bias. Do you think its fair that, you all put the blame on her alone? Do you think its fair that you all are just concern about him? What about her? She may be the bad person in this matter, but do you guys ever actually act as neutral and looked at both sides? Neither of the sides are feeling good and such. You all just blamed her and convict her to death sentence. Nothing in this world is fair. And I do believe it because its something I’m seeing now! She is shouldering all the blame to herself now and do you think its fair to her?
He is the victim, Im not denying it. However, do you guys ever know how she feels going through all these? You all are just bias against her. You all think that the one hurt is the one that needs the most support. I agree with that but sometimes there are things not to be overlook at just because of being blinded by anger. When one is blinded by anger, you would start saying things that are inappropriate and cant think properly. He said things that really hurt charmaine and I guess you guys think that she deserve it. But is it necessary to say such things? You have been hurt and yet you do things to hurt her? She told me some things about you and I was impressed with you. But the way you had handle things and your own emotions now, to me, you dont seem all that great.
Im not trying to pick a fight with you guys but please do cool yourselves down and see the picture in a wider view. Not just only focus on one point and start making conclusions and such. Im saying my piece right here, right now. If you guys cant clear up the smoke in your heads, its best you all don’t say things that arent necessary at all and get yourselves into things that dont involve you from the very start.
no Innocence, just Me
10:05 PM
