Friday, September 08, 2006
This is the Start
i thought i wld be able to be the happy guy i am in front of my frens, the happy boy at home facing his lappy and my mother wld just be normal as usual. but ever since i told my mother (on mon) abt the break up. i'm beginning to lose it all, the happy guy i am, the happy boy at home. was i acting tough? or was i stupid?
i know i couldnt hide this matter forever, even though i wish to cos i dont wish to lose the current person i am. but on mon, i just let it out. told my mother, and she seek my sis and they both did ask abt the break up but i didnt say anything. my mother, tried to ask me again just now, but i just wouldnt tell her. i rather i hide everything to myself. rather not saying anything. cos if i do, i will break down. my mother told me not to think so much abt it, just focus on my studies. yea, i know i must focus on my studies! i wont bring personal affairs into it (it may seem heartless to do so). but, can i really hang on to what i've been trying to? i doubt so.
all these happenings, all at one shot. all the feelings, gathered altogether, right now. thats why i couldnt sleep at this kind of time. its been a month since the incident. but somehow, i delayed the feelings till now, after i told my mother. i'm trying very hard to resist, but i just cant stop thinking. its just only a matter of moments where i will lose it all. was i foolish? was i implusive? was i dumb? or was i just being selfish? even if i think of all these now, it does not help. i just wanna apologise to those i've hurt, especially joce, i hurt her deeply.... i dont expect forgiveness, cos its my turn now. judgement day? guess so.. punishment? i think so..
i just wanna say sorry to my mother also. i'm really really sorry for shouting at u earlier in the night. i'm really sorry. its my bad, my fault. really sorry....
sincerely, i wish all those who read this post, pls dont ask me abt anything. i really appreciate it a lot. thanks..
no Innocence, just Me
1:54 AM
